In conversation with: Rosalyn Ware
How did you end up working within the dating world?
I always seemed to face the conundrum of having to choose between a successful man who excited me, and a safe guy who adored me but the chemistry was flat. I never got the full package and ended up being single for many years because deep down I believed I had an unattainable taste in men.
Being sick of the cycle, I decided to study the alpha male mind. I wanted the guys who were typical bachelors, I didn't want to hear anymore about how they were unattainable. I wanted to find a way to make what I wanted work. I studied extensively what the masculine mind deeply desired for himself, and I realised what I was offering them was so far off the mark, even though I considered myself a high value woman.
We've been taught so wrong about what creates real attraction, and I knew that I had to share my findings, this was the information ambitious women like me, who longed for an exciting masculine man, had been waiting for.
You have provided a broad range of helpful in-depth content to dive into on your online platforms; what can we expect from your '7 Pillars of Attraction method'?
What I take my private clients through is a process of them unlearning and relearning attraction. It’s important for women to understand the deep primal desires of the male mind. This is a huge part of the alchemising work because it means you can relax and lean back into your feminine energy and find huge confidence because you understand him more and what's going on in his mind.
It’s also very important for you to stop impressing. When we try to impress, we push men away. Trying to be more attractive is a 'doing' energy, which is a masculine energy, and a masculine man can't be attracted to masculine energy. He needs you relaxed in your feminine, aka; receiving energy where you give him the opportunity to impress you. This may sound manipulative, but this is actually what the masculine deeply craves, the challenge of having you.
This process also helps you to step into an energy of a woman who is pursued by men. A man wants to pursue you, one of his primal desires is to hunt, so if you aren't making it a challenge for him, attraction isn't activated for him. BUT, masculine men are very discerning creatures, if you play games he will lose interest. So this process is about becoming in alignment with yourself, raising your worth and just being someone who's energy creates challenge for him to have.
I hear a lot from ladies "I give and I give and I give...and he's still so distant." They do a lot in the relationship in order for him to appreciate the connection more, they impress him with their beauty, going overboard on beauty, they do a lot for their men, they think they have to take care of dinner, do all the errands and they hit burnout quickly because they've come out of their natural feminine energy.
Feminine energy is not designed to keep giving, its designed to receive. Masculine energy on the other hand is great at keep on going and going and going when he's in alignment. He loves giving to you. FYI, when you are in your feminine and you're attracting masculine men, they love to take care of dinner for you. They are natural providers. And fabulous in the kitchen!
Feminine energy is not just receiving though, its expressive. We tell the masculine what we're craving, what we like and he will take care of it. We tell him how we're feeling, that we don't feel sexy and he will do something to make you feel sexy to get you out of it.
But its not just all about you. Masculine men are very dominant, giving you instructions, like "Come over here, sit down." which is incredibly sexy being in the presence of a very powerful man, who makes you a little nervous but also makes you feel safe and protected.
Its fascinating learning about the natural roles in a connection. You can read more about the 7 pillars to creating these effects on my website.
Can you share three top tips for zoom dates?
1 - Slow down, feminine energy is a slow moving, graceful energy that is super nourishing for the action-orientated masculine. Don't be afraid of silences, your energy when you are comfortable speaks volumes and can be great for creating tension without saying anything. Plus, men regularly say how sexy it is just watching a woman move with slow grace, even when she's just making a cup of tea. So, if you find yourself a little uncomfortable, just take a deep breath, be ok with the silence and smile as you do it. Even tilt your head back as you let him know how comfortable you are in his presence.
2 - Remember you are the prize and have nothing to prove. Don't get attached to an outcome of this date. Usually, it's our motive that throws us off, if we try to impress it's because we want him to be attracted to us, but when you let that go, you make way for so much more attraction to build. So, change the motive - you're going on this date to see if he can fulfil your needs.
3 - Have warmth and smile. Yes, you are a powerful woman, who's confident but you don't need to parade it. He already knows. Your warmth is the essence of your femininity. So, let him know you're listening to him, stop interrupting him and talking about yourself, let him talk as if you really understand him and he will relax around you too. And show your appreciation or admiration for the things he tells you about. Don't go overboard, be genuine. But this is one way that we give to the masculine, with warmth, appreciation and admiration.
What are your thoughts regarding social distancing dating?
I personally haven't been on any socially distant dates, I'm a woman who's Love Language is touch and it would be too much for me to handle haha! I think if it's aligned for you and you're getting to know someone great! But for me, isolation is retreat time for self-reflection. The reason we are single is because of internal beliefs inside us, so it's a great opportunity to go inward, spend time with yourself, especially if you're finding spending time alone hard.
Do you think social distancing dating has provided any positive or negative elements to how daters are interacting with each other?
I think it's bringing up a lot of frustration, which is both good and bad. Bad, because there are some people who are now settling because of craving intimacy and therefore not getting the romance they hoped for because they aren't with the right guy, but it can also be good if you can understand why there is frustration there. Frustration is a key to your growth. As soon as you shine a light on the frustration and why you're feeling it, you will feel it subside, meaning you can take a breath and slow down in order to speed up the arrival of what you want.
Personally, I've had my own healing to do in this time and I feel like a new woman, which can only mean great things for my connections and interactions with men.
Where is your go-to destination in London for a hot date?
Hmm, so many places. But ultimately a man should be planning this for you. Masculine men naturally take care of the details. If you like a more feminine men and you're predominantly masculine, here are a few ideas...
For me a great date location is somewhere I feel relaxed, the ambience needs to be nourishing for me. I love Ham Yard Hotel for meeting new connections, it's a beautiful place to relax and be comfortable, I think that's key for women, to feel comfortable. San Carlo Cicchetti Italian restaurant in Covent Garden if you're going for food, it's so romantic in there and the waiters GET romance. And the Corinthia Hotel, if I'm taking myself on a date :)
What’s your number one piece of advice for people entering the dating scene after taking a break?
Know what you need to be fulfilled in romance. If you're looking for more emotional connection, get clear on the emotional needs you need fulfilling in a relationship and what behaviours he must have to fulfil that. We so often look at the physical traits of a man and wonder why it's a very surface level connection.
And this sound counter-productive, but if you've been single a while, a relationship isn't your top priority right now. It is just going to throw you off and put too much pressure on a new connection.
Instead, get clear on what's important right now with a guy; chemistry, romance and connection, not a relationship. Because you could find a relationship easy, but he could be disrespectful, selfish and distant. A relationship is not the goal, chemistry and connection is. Focus on what's important in the present moment with a guy and enjoy yourself.
What can clients expect when speaking to a dating and chemistry mentor like yourself?
Deep chats, soul sister connection, getting real and honest about your feelings, some tough love, honesty and heaps of eye-opening discoveries about men and yourself. And of course, romance.
What do you enjoy most about your job?
Blowing women's minds about how wrong we've got attraction! They're very inquisitive and question everything, I love talking about my perspective on romance. But the best part is seeing how good they feel in themselves, how comfortable they are in their bodies now, they aren't in a rush anymore, they slow down and they just love the skin they're in. That's when I know I've done my job well
